It strikes me that our behavior is the only real indication of belief. I can say I believe that fish are poison and yet if I keep eating it then somewhere in my mind I don’t beleive in the eminent danger or I am not concerned with the consequence (death wish). I don’t even think I have to recognize that I lack true belief. I should be able to tell from my behavior but that is just no so.
So where how does this become something I can change? Where is the seat of my true beliefs? I ask because I know of things in my life today that cronically do not match what I think I believe. I watch TV shows I know contain things that are unhealthy for me, look at pictures, read books, keep debt, and the lost live on, yet I go on. But do I really beleive that those things are wrong if I continue, or do I just want to believe or have others believe that I beleive? Do I think my belief will have an impact?
I am ruminating on this because I think it is the root of what is broken in my/our existence. It is the lies we tell ourselves. It is the thing that keeps us a prisoner and that may keep others imprisoned. Others are often imprisoned by our false witness. But the joke is that it is us we are lying to most.
Right this minute I know I don’t know and that I am going to have to live in that. I know that God does know my heart even when I don’t. I know that others won’t even want to explore this. But if you do I would love to talk. Reply if you like. But know that I don’t know the answers. I will probably have trouble believing you do. That is just where I am. I am just looking up the questions right now.