Thought – Where our talk comes from


Over the last few weeks we have been learning about human relationships and we have been concentrating on personality types as they are taught in the book “Talk Easy, Listen Hard” by Nancy Sebastian Meyer.  We have talked about our own personality types, we have taken test to learn about our own type and hopefully you have shared this information with your spouse if you are married, or if you are part of a couple at you have shared it with your partner.

Singles… Call you Mom. J 

In all seriousness, as singles you need to consider this information in the same way that a member of a couple does.

Many of us are looking at this information as a way to change our spouse or to ‘fix them’. The real assignment here is to look ourselves and to adjust ourselves so that we can be in a better relationship.

If you look at the past two weeks and the result is that you now know that your spouse is a Melancholy that is great. But if you didn’t do the math to figure out that your being Sanguine and them being Melancholy meant you were both going to have to make adjustments then you have missed the boat.

What we are looking for from this experience is to be able to understand ourselves and our spouses so that we can make adjustments to our own behavior. We can learn to be tolerant of those we share the planet with. We can learn to help the ones we love to be strong, and we can learn to add the strengths of the ones we love to our strengths and make ONE awesome whole person.

Genesis 2:24-25

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

See if we can be open with each other and reveal our weaknesses and our strengths, understand that our spouse wants to be a part of use, then we can be laid bare in front of our husband or wife and be unashamed of who we are.

“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

This ‘nakedness’ that God is speaking about is not just physical nudity, but also emotional and spiritual transparency.

Why are we ashamed of nudity? Because we are afraid that the one who sees it will see something flawed or imperfect. The same is true of our emotional nakedness.

If we as spouses hide who we are, fail to let our spouses see our weakness and understand our strengths then we will never have relationship that way God planned it.  

We will shut off the lights in anger or in shame when our weakness is exposed. Satan wins as he shames us.

When if we let our spouse really know us we would be able to run to them for comfort and they would know how to help. Just as some couples who have been together for many years know each other’s physical bodies and become better together with age, despite aging and what youth may think. CAN I GET AN AMEN!


The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18

Just like these physical differences in man and woman God has made humans different in many ways.  I believe the reading starts to point out the ways that our differences can become strengths if we will orchestrate them. If we will let the person we are with use their strengths to cover our weakness and we will cover their weakness with our strength we will be an awesome new creation in Christ.

The differences we are going to talk about this week are differences in Thought patterns.  The way we think about things. The way we work things out and express ourselves. The ways we react.

How many of you read part of the book? Did you get through the section “Thought – Where our talk comes from”? Well that is what we are going to cover tonight.


There are four different sets of thought patterns that we will be covering next:

·       Internal vs. External

·       Abstract vs. Concrete

·       Sequential vs. Random

·       Analytical vs. Global

To be as open as I can here is my thought pattern recipe:

External – Abstract – Random – Global / Thinker

Funny, but helpful for our talk here is my wives thought pattern recipe:

Internal – Concrete – Sequential – Analytical / Thinker

For those of you keeping score on the home game that means we are polar opposites in all of the measuring sticks we have placed.

I am a Choleric/Sanguine: External – Abstract – Random – Global / Thinker

She is a Melancholy/Phlegmatic: Internal – Concrete – Sequential – Analytical / Thinker

Pray. J

Funny though… We have one of the strongest and longest marriages I know of for our age. So the moral of that story… You can do it if you will let your spouse’s strengths be the other half of your new creation in Christ. A beautiful pieces of art what represents the marriage of God and creation.

Let’s learn about how.







Internal vs. External

How do you know which you are? Well let’s take these tests together since they are only 6 or 7 questions each.

Score yourself. The scoring is 1 to a 10 based on the question asked.

1 being that it is “not at all true” and 10 being “very true”.

Read the questions:

Now if you scored low then you lean toward internal thinking. If you scored high then you lean toward external thinking.

How did your partner score?

Traits of an internal Thinker

·       Thinks without speaking

·       Gets frustrated when interrupted while thinking

·       Waits to share until they have had enough time to process and prepare a thought

·       Is quiet, reflective, and often silent

·       Listens more that talks

·       Has good powers of concentration

·       May prefer to think if one thing at a time

·       Can feel rushed and disrespected

Communications with your internal thinker

·       Give them space and time

·       IF they open up to share don’t interrupt to interject till they are through

·       Actively listen

·       Don’t expect to brainstorm with them

Traits of an External Thinker

·       Thinks out loud

·       Becomes frustrated when the internal thinkers don’t respond properly

·       Benefits from brainstorming

·       Often talks about seedling ideas that never really become real things

·       Talks more than listens

·       Sometimes can be easily distracted

·       Stimulated by multitasking

·       Talks more when excited or nervous

Communications with your external thinker

·       Don’t take every word as the final answer

·       When you feel yourself getting frustrated see if you can finish the conversation later

·       Give them the verbal encouragement and feedback they need as much as you can





Abstract vs. Concrete

Next Test score yourself. The scoring is 1 to a 10 based on the question asked.

1 being that it is “not at all true” and 10 being “very true”.

Read the questions:

Now if you scored low then you lean toward concrete thinking. If you scored high then you lean toward abstract thinking.

How did your partner score?

Traits of the abstract thinker

·       Imaginative and intuitive

·       Dreams about possibilities

·       Does not come to quick conclusions

·       Enjoys Stories, allegories, and analogies

·       Looks for the deeper meaning, reads between the lines

Communications with your abstract thinker

·       Be patient, knowing that you can benefit from their in-depth understanding

·       Allow time for processing and response

·       List the facts so the person has something tangible to focus on during decisions

·       Appreciate their creative mind

·       If you need a decision quickly, go to a concrete thinker

Traits of the concrete thinker

·       Like facts and details

·       Live in the present, focuses on the situation at hand

·       Can be decisive, given the facts

·       Enjoys reading the newspaper, reports, and nonfiction

·       Takes people and situations at face value

Communications with your concrete thinker

·       Commuications should be factual and brief in tense moments

·       Ask then ‘how’ and ‘why’ to get them to think of the big picture with you

·       Explain how the topic is relevant to them

·       Only bring emotion into the discussion if there is adequate time

·       Appreciate this person’s ability to make quick decisions











Sequential vs. Random

Next Test score yourself. The scoring is 1 to a 10 based on the question asked.

1 being that it is “not at all true” and 10 being “very true”.

Read the questions:

Now if you scored low then you lean toward sequential thinking. If you scored high then you lean toward random thinking.

How did your partner score?

Traits of the sequential thinker

·       Thinks line by line, step by step

·       Uses a logical train of thought

·       Conversation is easy to follow

·       Has a plan and stick to it

·       Makes lists and follows the items in order

Communications with your sequential thinker

·       Be logical as possible

·       Don’t bounce from topic to topic without warning

·       Appreciate their plan, discuss it, and then stick to it if working together

·       Give yourself permission to not be like this person, but cooperate with them

Traits of the random thinker

·       Chunks of information (not particular sequences)

·       May be able to skip mental steps and still arrive at the correct conclusion

·       May seem impulsive or spontaneous

·       Appears not to have a plan – But gets it done

·       May make a list, but not to follow in order

Communications with your random thinker

·       Try to understand the random thinking is not wrong, just different

·       Remind this person to be logical with you as much as possible

·       Don’t push your list or order processes on this free thinker

·       Appreciate the creative ideas that flow from them













Analytical vs. Global

Next test score yourself. The scoring is 1 to a 10 based on the question asked.

1 being that it is “not at all true” and 10 being “very true”.

Read the questions:

Now if you scored low then you lean toward analytical thinking. If you scored high then you lean toward global thinking.

How did your partner score?

Traits of the analytical thinker

·       Pays close attention to and remembers details and facts

·       Sometime misses the main idea or big picture

·       Very objective or cognitive

·       Prefers to think of one thing at a time

·       Likes order and logic

·       Believes there is a ‘best way’ to do something

·       Rarely becomes emotionally involved; detached

·       Sees things very black and white; strong sense of justice

Communications with your analytical thinker

·       Remember this person thinks in right and wrong

·       Try to be logical and factual in your delivery

·       Give them time to process the situation alone when possible

·       Help this person see the big picture

·       Appreciate this persons attention to detail and memory

·       If things get tense, stick to the facts

Traits of the global thinker

·       Keys on people and relationships

·       Remembers concepts; sees the big picture

·       Subjective and aware of feelings; reads body language

·       Good at multitasking; can keep many balls in the air at one time

·       Goes with the flow; is flexible

·       See many options and the different ways to do something

·       Works well with others, appreciates praise, and takes criticism personally

·       Gracious, encouraging, and complimentary to others

Communications with your global thinker

·       Remember this person feels things deeply; keep commitments positive when possible

·       Relax and go with the flow as much as possible

·       Be available as a sounding board

·       Don’t recite a list of facts without first presenting the main concept

·       Help this person focus on the project details, not just the human element

·       Appreciate their ability to see the overall concept and outline

·       If things get tense help them see the what and why (big picture)


About toddcbrown

The body of Christ will never grow if the Pastor is the one using his gifts to MAKE IT grow through some cool program or inspiring turn of a phrase.
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